jpsellars.co.uk

I remember following a television series a few years ago called “Wrecks to Riches” in which Mike “you’re ‘avin a larrf” Brewer attempted to turn a modest handfull of bank notes into enough money to buy a brand new car. The format was incredibly simple. He’d walk into a used car yard, drive back out again in a £300 Volkswagen Polo, give it a bit of a wash and some new wheel trims and Hey presto! It’s suddenly doubled in value. In each show the new total would be used to trade up to something more valuable, and the profit margin would increase by less and less believable amounts.

I’ve been giving some thought to my recent car history, and I’ve realised that what I’ve actually done is to achieve the exact opposite. In fact come to think of it, the closest I’ve yet come to making a profit on a car was the Jaguar Sovereign on which I only made a £100 loss after nine months. The secrets of my success in haemorrhaging large amounts of money as quickly as possible have taken me many years to perfect, and include things like being ridiculously impatient to close deals, buying mainly from dealers and choosing unfashionable models with a tendency to self-destruct – preferably in an expensive and terminal way. Using this clever formula I’ve somehow gone from buying a £3500 Triumph Spitfire to selling a GM Saab 900 for £390 in the space of just five years. You’d think I’d know better by now.